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The Hiss Quarterly Vol. 5 ~ Issue 4 I Am The Walrus koo koo ka-choo |
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Avoiding Final Commitment
For those who wed Death and then regret it, divorce is always denied. Sometimes there’s leeway to leave Death standing by the altar, as the wedding will certainly be rescheduled. But once the I-pronounce-you-man-and-wife is pronounced— all must forever hold their tongues and none can tear asunder. Sometimes Death is a wallflower who must be courted, Hart Crane, Sylvia Plath, and all dishonored samurai knew this. But mostly Death is a rapist and according to ancient tradition must marry the victim. Death is bi. Same sex unions never bother Death. But the marriage always disappoints. Remember that dreadful date you once had, when tired conversation lapsed into snoring silence, and all you could do is peek at your watch, except in this union watches are forever stopped and divorce is not allowed and adultery is punished by traditional stoning which means a bruising and boring relationship for all eternity, because you’re already married to death and divorce is not allowed. So excuse me if I play the traveling salesman running from the farmer’s daughter before the shotgun is loaded. I’ve got the Peter Pan syndrome. I prefer remaining the roaming playboy rather than settling down forever under a suffocating blanket next to a deadpan companion who would make my skin crawl away and turn my sex life bone dry. © Richard Fein
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 Terry Border |
Dilettante He’d duly register and attend every first class, a hundred, hundred welcomes from professors of every discipline, even Practical Sex 1, offered at the most progressive college. Term by term he was handed the syllabi of all academic knowledge. He knew what was expected, what it all summed up to— the collective requirements of worldly freshman wisdom. What he should know for every final was laid out before him along with what topics to research for each term paper. The final. The final. And those blank term-paper pages waiting to be filled with his understanding of all he was supposed to have learned. He’d always get his refund before the second class, minus the nonrefundable registration fee. And the grand total of those nonrefundable fees was full tuition paid for a lifetime of welcomes and wimpy withdrawals. © Richard Fein
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